Saturday, October 18, 2008

New York Knicks request 700 Billion Dollar bailout

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Conservatives urged Congress on Tuesday to consider other alternatives before rushing to pass a $700 billion plan to bail out the New York Knicks, a measure the White House says must pass by the end of the week. Commissioner David Stern said that the failure of the Knicks could be come systemic and threaten the lining of his fat pockets.

"With names like Pat Ewing (Jr.) hanging in the wind," opined Stern, "we have no choice but to accept this failure of the free market and try to fix it externally."

Senators Barack Obama and John McCain joined forces to try to stop the bailout but acknowledged both the process and their commitments were "bull[deleted]."

"People are saying we must act now. The last time I heard that, I was watching the shop-at-home network," said Chris Paul of the New Orleans Hornets. "If someone says you have to deal now, it means they get a part of the deal."

"In my experience, when you dig a hole this deep," explained James Dolan, owner of the Knicks, "you need to climb out of it on a big pile of money, and also use money to wipe your hands off."

"Money!" later added Dolan.